last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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