the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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