My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
