i just had sex bonerless
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
