Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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