I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
