I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
