I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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