there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
