im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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