I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
