Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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