Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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