Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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