From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
