I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
