Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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