I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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