You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
