Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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