The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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