i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
