Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
