Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
