Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
