I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
