I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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