3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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