I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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