Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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