to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
