He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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