apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
