so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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