I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
