just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize