guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
