Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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