I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
