Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
