I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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