Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
