I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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