The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
