I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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