i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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