Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
