Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
