No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
