i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
