If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
