remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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