hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
