Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
