we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
