she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
