Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
