i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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