I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
