Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
