My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
