My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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