So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
