I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
