Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
