Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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