She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
