its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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