Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
