Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
