I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
