You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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