They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
